Give grace to others…and yourself

How are things in your household this week? What emotions are running under the surface, and how are those emotions leaking out in the form of perhaps more challenging behaviour? To whom do you perhaps need to give grace? 

As we continue in this DC world, with no sign of life AC – After Corona – regaining any kind of normality soon, the ongoingness of this situation is sinking in. 

Last week I was talking about using any time gained in this season for your own self development. I have a very special offer of a unique coaching tool for you, if this is something you are interested in. You can find out more here.

What I notice from those around me is that whilst life is most certainly less full of externals – travel, leaving the house, going out to shops/school/work/university/events/community/ -many of us are busier than ever and also having to juggle more. 

Working patterns have changed beyond all recognition, with previous utilitised protocols and procedures having to be completely redesigned. 

If you have children, they are at home all the time and you are much more central in their education. 

Tempers might be starting to fray a little as we are stretched mentally and emotionally.

In the midst of this, where is there need to give grace?

All of these situations create tension. This is unfamiliar for all of us, and that unfamiliarity can create fear and a sense of lack of control. 

How does that fear manifest itself?

We leak.

Our emotions leak out of us in our behaviour.

It might be that you have been on the receiving end of irritation from a work colleague. Or aggression from someone in a shop.

Chances are that the surface level behaviour is not the real issue for that person, but simply an expression of much deeper underlying fears. When we are on the receiving end of negative behaviour, it can be easy to react to that behaviour. And in this pandemic crisis, when there are more complex emotions running high just under the surface for all of us, it is more important than ever to notice what is really going on so we can give grace to each other and ourselves.

Give grace to those in your household. 

Practice pausing before you react to any negative behaviour. What is being expressed by that individual, and what is that really pointing to? What does that person really need – a sense of security, renewed hope, to feel grounded again, to be able to express their fears safely without judgement? And then how can you create space for those needs to be expressed? Our children need security, love and a sense of connection most. They will catch up with their school work and you are not there to be their class teacher. You are there to love them and listen to them and provide security as best you can.

Routine and structure help, as do time apart from each other – where it is practical. Exercise as a form of physical release is always good. And encourage each other to have quiet space each day to stop and notice our own emotions so we can practice processing them in a more constructive way before they leak out. 

Give grace to those you work with. 

What stresses are they facing? What fears are under the surface and how are those fears manifesting themselves? What is most important for your team, your colleagues, your work? How can you take small steps each day to reassure, encourage and be proactive in working towards a sense of shared purpose and achievement? Celebrate small achievements together, notice how each other is, keep good boundaries around your work. Little things all help. 

Give grace to yourself.

This is all new, and no one has prepared you for this. You are not going to get it right every day. And that is Ok. Not only that, it is OK to not be OK (more here from an old blog on this subject!). You are doing your best – as an individual, as a parent, partner, friend, colleague, neighbour. Choose each day to acknowledge who you are and what you CAN do, and what is most important that day. Getting through this well is about maintaining good emotional health and working with those in your community to encourage, be kind and live out your purpose as best you can. Lots of great hints and tips from the lovely Action for Happiness folk here. 

Give yourself grace to rest and practice being present now. Give yourself grace to stop each day and notice how you feel and process those feelings safely. And pay attention to your own triggers to when you are leaking negative emotions to those around you. Stop, take yourself out of the equation and pay attention to what you need. 

You will get through this. We will get through this. And we will emerge more humble, more aware of our needs and the needs of those around us and more able to give grace, that our world will be a kinder and more grateful place to live. 

 

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